


Straight Into Darkness

by SplinterCell



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canon? What Canon?, Implied Hydra Husbands, Implied Torture, M/M, implied brainwashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-25 16:54:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18578644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SplinterCell/pseuds/SplinterCell
Summary: Rollins leaves a message to himself.





	Straight Into Darkness

Hey Jack, uh…fuck, how am I meant to start this?

Okay look, I figure by the time you see this you’ll probably have already figured out your name, but just in case you haven’t, you’re— _we’re_ called Jack. Jack Rollins. Now I don’t know if ‘Jack’ is short for John, or if we ever had a second name but…it’s something, right? Maybe even a helluva lot more than you had before.

Or maybe I’m just telling you shit you already know, in which case I guess you can just consider this a verification of sorts, can't you.

Anyway. I don’t have a lot of time so here goes nothing.

Clever guy like you, you’ve probably already figured this out but… I’m _you_ , pal. The scar kinda gives it away, but yeah. I’m past you. How past, you ask? Well, I’d tell you if I could, but you’ve also probably noticed by now that they don’t keep a whole lot of clocks around the place. Clocks, radios, TVs, newspapers. Anything that might have a date on it, in fact, is conspicuously absent.

Yes, it’s deliberate. No, I don’t exactly know why, although I’d hazard a guess that—no, look, it doesn’t matter. Just, if you’re thinking of trying to keep a tally somewhere, don’t bother. It's not like you've got any windows and—shit, I’m rambling. Didn't think I was the kind of guy to ramble; well, I guess long-term isolation can change a man in mysterious ways.

Anyway, the thing is, Jack, I need you to stop trying to remember. And yeah, I _know_ you’re sitting there right now wondering just who the fuck I really am and what kind of fucking _bullshit_ I’m trying to pull here, but I promise I’m being on the level with you, alright? Just hear me out, okay?

Don’t fucking remember. Please.

However bad you think it is now? Well, it can get worse, and the more you remember—the more _we_ remember—the more interested they get. There are worse fates than being left to rot in a hole, Jack. I know you might not agree with me; hell, neither did I back then, but you just gotta trust me on this one.

And…there’s something else, too. They’re looking for someone, someone we knew. I overheard them one day when they didn’t close the door quickly enough. That’s what I think they _actually_ want from us. The codes and the bases and all that other shit is just…secondary. Nice to haves. They’re not why we’re still alive.

They want _him_ , probably just about as much as we do.

You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? Well, maybe you don’t yet. Fuck, maybe you _won’t_. I mean, I don’t know how the fuck this shit works, alright?

But for me—and you _are_ me, remember? Or at least, you will be so I'm pretty sure this isn't too far off the mark for you, too—well, for me it feels like something is missing. Something way more important than all the other shit we’re missing. Something that feels more like a loss as opposed to just a gap.

And I _see_ him, Jack, every fucking time I close my eyes. I _know_ I do, because I wake up crying my goddamn eyes out and feeling like there’s a hole right where my heart ought to be, and all I desperately wanna do is fall asleep again so I can get back to that dream.

Shit. Shit, sorry.

Anyway. I don’t know who he is. I'm not lying, I really don't. I don’t know what he was to them, or why they want him so bad, and I couldn’t begin to tell you what _we_ were to him, but… I pushed too hard, okay? I took the bait hook, line and sinker before I figured out what was actually going on and…it’s like his name is right there on the tip of my tongue now, pressing up against my teeth with every breath I take, and just fucking _waiting_ to slip out, and if they find out that I’ve remembered him, if they find him…

They’ll kill him if they find him, Jack. They’ll kill him and I can't—I won't—let that happen.

So, look, I’m gonna fix my fuck-up tonight. Get them to wipe the slate clean, as it were. But after that it’ll be down to you, and I _know_ I’m asking a lot from you, okay? I know you want to remember, and I know they’ll tell you that they’re gonna help you, but it’s a lie, alright? Whatever story they tell you—well, _have_ told you by this point, I guess—don’t believe it. Don’t trust them, no matter what they promise you. They're the reason you can't remember shit in the first place, and they fully intend to bury you down here regardless of what you give them.

 _Please_ , Jack.

Don’t try and remember.

Don’t let them find him.

\---

 

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little thing to try and get back into the swing of writing. 
> 
> The title comes from a Tom Petty song. The lyrics have absolutely no connection to the story, but the tune is bangin' and well worth a listen XD


End file.
